Why I Schedule Time to Sit With My Sadness

Aminath Anjoona

02 Jul 2025 — 3 min read

I have terrible instances in my life, and I carry more sad memories than happy ones. The ratio sits at roughly 3:1, three painful memories for every joyful one. This isn't because I focus on negativity or dwell unnecessarily on hardship. It's simply the mathematical reality of my experiences.

This imbalance forced me to find a way forward without getting trapped in cycles of rumination or becoming paralysed by my past. Life happens, and while I approach most things with overwhelming seriousness, I've learned not to take my past hurts so seriously that they define my present.

Accepting Pain Without Carrying Poison

Things that hurt me, hurt me. I accept the feelings of sadness completely, but I refuse to carry forward anger and resentment. I've understood that no feeling should be labeled as inherently wrong or evil. However, some emotions deserve processing and release rather than permanent residence in our hearts.

Resentment builds when anger festers too long without resolution. Anger often persists when sadness isn't given proper respect or gets dismissed as weakness. Or when you are unable to forgive. More often than not, anger serves as a mask for deeper sadness that we're afraid to face directly.

Embracing Grief as a Path to Healing

I no longer run from sadness. Instead, I make it a practice to let myself grieve losses without rushing the process or feeling guilty about tears. Sometimes my mind wants to revisit traumatic events, and I allow this journey backwards. I sit with the sadness I felt in those moments, experiencing it fully rather than avoiding it.

This conscious engagement with pain has proven remarkably effective. Most of the emotional weight I once carried has diminished significantly through this intentional processing. Some pain may remain forever, and I've made peace with that reality.

Creating Boundaries with Rumination

I work to stay present and prevent rumination from extending beyond healthy limits. I give myself structured time, typically 15-20 minutes, to sit with difficult emotions and thoughts without restriction. When this time ends, I consciously transition back to the present moment.

I pick myself up, acknowledge my strength, and recognise the courage it takes to face painful memories. I remind myself that I'm proud of this emotional work, but now it's time to return to the current reality. It's time to leave the past in the past.

Grounding Techniques for Present-Moment Awareness

I use a grounding framework originally designed for anxiety attacks to anchor myself in the present. The process involves naming three things I can see, hear, smell, and touch. Following this sensory grounding, I check my phone for the current date and browse recent social media activity to reconnect with present-day reality.

Writing about the experience immediately after grounding proves invaluable. Putting thoughts and feelings on paper helps process the emotions and creates healthy distance from the pain.

A Reminder of Inherent Worth

You are a human being, a perfect, wonderful creation, loved and cherished by God. Your moments of sadness don't diminish your worth or define your future. You have permission to feel deeply, but you also possess the power to protect your heart and build a meaningful life despite setbacks.

Don't waste your precious existence living in the past. Feel what needs to be felt, process what needs processing, but don't establish permanent residence in yesterday's pain. You have the strength to honour your experiences while still moving forward into the life that awaits you.