Understanding People: How I’m Learning to Balance Ambition and Compassion

Aminath Anjoona

09 Jan 2025 — 3 min read

People who take the time to get to know me personally tend to like me, but there’s a catch: I’ve spent most of my life ruining first impressions. The thing is, I’ve never been good at reading people. I’ve often felt like I’m missing some sort of social manual that everyone else has. I can navigate my work, my vision, my ethics but understanding emotions, connecting on that deeper level, and making real friends? That’s been a mystery for me. The friends that stuck somehow like me a lot. I guess I am not everyone’s cup of tea.

It’s been a lifelong struggle. Despite my best efforts, my interactions with people would often fall flat. I’d try to be friendly, but somehow, I’d get it wrong, and people wouldn’t give me a second chance. Looking back, I can understand why. I’d be so focused on “getting things done,” achieving my goals, and pushing myself, that I missed the emotional nuances that others seemed to pick up effortlessly.

I’ve always been driven, insanely driven, actually. I can work for hours on end without breaks, meticulously planning every detail of my day. But when it comes to people? Well, that’s where I stumbled. I’d offer solutions when people just needed to vent. I’d dismiss feelings without realizing it, thinking I was just being practical. But people aren’t projects to fix, and I needed to learn that.

Five years ago, I decided to change. I realized that I wasn’t being mean intentionally, but my blunt honesty often came across as cold or rude. It is seen as a lack of empathy but in my heart, I have a whole world of genuine love and affection for people. I am just not very expressive and I never understood how someone could take offense to a simple, straightforward statement. It was hard for me to grasp that, for others, emotions were tied to words, and my honest “truths” weren’t always well-received. the first step to change was accepting my mistakes, and that’s what I did.

I began to realize that kindness is integral to not only my relationships but to my faith as well. It became clear to me that how I interacted with people, how I showed kindness, compassion, and patience would determine how much I could grow spiritually and personally. I stumbled upon this hadith that really stuck with me:

"Verily, the most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character and who are most kind to their families." (Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2612)

This hit me hard. It wasn’t just about being honest or hardworking. It was about being kind. About having compassion. So, I started working on it.

The process of growth hasn’t been quick, nor has it been simple. It’s taken time, introspection, and a lot of uncomfortable realizations. But over time, I’ve become more aware of the need for balance between ambition and empathy. I still get things done, but I’ve learned to pause and check in with the people around me. I’ve learned to listen, not just speak, and that has made all the difference.

One of the things I’ve realized is that we all have our own unique struggles. I’ve spent years focusing on my work, my goals, my drive but neglecting the human side of things. I’ve learned that growth isn’t just about being successful in the things you do; it’s about building relationships, understanding emotions, and connecting on a deeper level. It’s about being kind to those around you, especially in ways that matter to them.

Here is my current framework for being more empathetic to people.

Its not perfect and I still get into trouble sometimes but its a work in progress. I’ll never be the most emotionally intuitive person, but I can be a better listener, a better friend, and a more compassionate person. And that’s something I’ll keep working on, every day. Only lazy people expect others to just understand them without reflection or personal growth. There are multiple different types of people out there. While it maybe hard I have made it my mission to be more understanding and empathetic.