The Struggles of a ‘Problem’ Kid: How trauma affected my learning and how I got over it.

Aminath Anjoona

07 Jan 2025 — 5 min read

I can easily say that my childhood was the hardest time of my life. Sure, looking back, it’s possible that my perspective as a kid made everything seem bigger and harder than it was. Maybe the things that broke my heart then wouldn’t affect me as much now. But at that point in my life, I didn’t have the life experience or the ability to get myself out of situations the way I do today. And that had a huge impact on my academics.

I’m not one to blame others or my circumstances for my struggles, but after thinking about it from every angle, I’ve come to a conclusion. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do well in school, it’s just that my brain was in survival mode and studying for exams was not a priority.

The Distraction of My Mind

I wasn’t bad because I didn’t care. On the contrary, I was fascinated by knowledge. I wanted to learn everything. I was that kid who loved collecting information about every possible topic, but something always seemed to distract me. I’d get lost in my thoughts, daydreaming during lessons, not paying attention, and, well, I never really finished my homework. I’m talking never, not even once. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, it was just… hard. I often found myself in detention, trying to catch up on all the work I hadn’t done.

It didn’t help that I was an avid reader. I always had my nose in a book, reading up to two every week since grade one. But here’s the thing: reading wasn’t homework; it was my escape. It was something I loved, something that kept my mind occupied and took me to places where I didn’t have to think about everything else.

But why didn’t I study? Why didn’t I do my homework?

Coping with My Inner World

The truth is, I was coping. I was in my head all the time, trying to make sense of things I couldn’t quite understand. I was hyper-vigilant, anxious, and terrified to focus on anything other than just trying to survive emotionally. Not to mention, I was severely bullied in class for being the weird silent kid. I had so much going on inside, and the last thing I could handle was homework or exams. At the same time, I was a smart kid. I had the potential. I just couldn’t get myself to unlock it.

However, somehow I had always been good enough with my grades. As I went through my report cards years later, I saw the pattern: A’s and one F (in math, of course). Other times, it was a mix of A’s, B’s, and an F. I could get through the subjects I loved with what I had heard in class, but math? That’s a different beast. To do well in math, you need to memorise, learn formulas, solve problems, and, well, I hadn’t even memorised my times tables then. Maybe that’s what held me back.

The Trauma That Impacted My Learning

According to the American Psychological Association, students who experience trauma often struggle with focus, learning, and concentration and I can attest to that. I had lived it. My inability to focus and my emotional struggles were a direct result of trauma I couldn’t verbalise at the time.

Turning Point: Grade 7

The turning point came at the age of 12, in grade 7, when I decided I was going to get serious about my studies. It wasn’t out of pure motivation; it was fear. Fear of being held back. Fear of not passing and being left behind. That pressure from the teachers and administration who constantly reminded us about failure? It pushed me to make a decision: I will not fail.

So, I opened my first textbook and decided to learn how to study. something I’d never really done before. I spent days in the school library, searching for any book that could teach me how to study. When I found one, I devoured it. I took notes, applied what I learned, and studied. The result? I passed 7th grade with flying colours, almost A stars (except, of course, for math).

That was a moment of pride and amazement for me. Looking at that report card as an adult, I was impressed by how much I’d achieved. But the following year? I was back to my old habits. I stopped studying actively again, thinking listening in class was enough. And, as expected, I failed.

O'level Exams: The Real Turning Point

It wasn’t until six months before my O'levels that I finally took things seriously. Fear was the motivation again. I hadn’t been studying properly for the past two years, but I made a plan. I spent hours at my desk, teaching myself everything I should’ve learned for the past two and a half years. I used mind mapping, Cornell notes, and every technique I could find. I taught myself how to answer exam questions and apply critical thinking. I stayed focused. And guess what? I passed with flying colors again, getting a class prize, an award for the best all-round bands girl and bands girl with the best academic performance (Yes I was an active member of the school brass band and a sergeant at that)

It was a huge turning point for me. I was no longer seen as the problem kid. I had proven to everyone and to myself that I was capable. But more than that, I had learned something incredibly important: I could achieve anything if I gave myself the chance. I finally had the courage at 16 to turn my life around. I worked on myself immensely. Learning my triggers, learning myself, getting over my childhood depression and working towards self-improvement. Allah (Swt) was always there guiding me and loving me when I couldn't love myself. It makes me teary even writing this because I am so grateful for everything, the love he has shown, the blessings he have given me and the courage I was given since a child till now to face all my struggles and adversities.

Reflecting on the ‘Problem’ Kid Label

If only I had had a teacher who understood me. If only someone had realized that my poor academic performance wasn’t a sign of laziness or defiance, but rather a cry for help. If only someone had seen that my behavior wasn’t mischief, it was a coping mechanism for an emotional struggle I didn’t know how to express.

As an adult, I’ve made it my mission to be that voice for kids who are labeled as “problem children.” I want to be the person who sees the potential in every child, who understands that behind poor performance or bad behavior, there might be a deeper struggle. Most kids probably would not have been as motivated by fear as I had been or been as lucky to answer exams just by listening in class. Hence, they need a helping hand.

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had been given the opportunity to truly study, to focus on my work without all the emotional turmoil I faced. I often wish I could go back and give my younger self the chance to study to my heart’s content. But then I remind myself: everything happens for a reason, and every experience has shaped who I am today. I have no complaints and no regrets.

The quirky kid who loved learning? That was me. And I’m still that kid today.