The Power of Positive Self-Esteem

Aminath Anjoona

24 Jan 2025 — 7 min read

I had a tough childhood that made me question my worth and left me feeling unlovable. But, somewhere along the way, I discovered something that helped me turn it all around: self-esteem. At just 11 years old, I learned the importance of nurturing positive self-esteem and how harmful low self-esteem could be to my overall well-being. This journey began back in 6th grade, and though I didn’t realise it at the time, it would shape the person I am today.

In a short six months spent in Girl Guides, I learned that how we talk to ourselves is critical. I understood that negative self-talk could sabotage everything about me, and the first step was being aware of it. Over time, this awareness became the foundation of my journey towards building a healthy self-esteem that has stuck with me into my 30s.

I don't remember the last time I was mean to myself. I do have imposter syndrome and I do sometimes get thoughts that make me doubt myself. However, negating negative self-esteem is not about cancelling out the negative thoughts altogether. It is about not letting them affect you.

Here’s how I went from a girl who felt unlovable to a woman who is comfortable in her skin, confident, and at peace with herself:

1. Become Aware of Your Negative Self-Talk

The hardest part of this journey was recognising my negative self-talk. It’s tough to hear the mean things we tell ourselves like "I’m not good enough," or "I’ll never succeed." These thoughts become automatic, and before you know it, you’ve convinced yourself that they’re true. These thoughts are almost always labels other people push out. especially important people in our lives. I learned that the first step to changing this mindset was simply becoming aware of these thoughts.

As a child, I didn’t immediately do anything about these thoughts. But I started by paying attention to the messages my brain was sending. It’s not easy, but awareness is a game changer. It’s like peeling back layers to reveal what’s going on inside. Even as an adult, I still find this awareness part to be essential for keeping myself in check. It takes practice, but once you’re aware of your negative thinking, you can begin to do something about it. Mastering this process took me months but it is very much, doable.

2. Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Affirmations

Once I started recognising my negative thoughts, I knew I needed a way to turn them around. Enter: positive affirmations. This might sound silly at first, especially if you don’t believe what you’re saying, but trust me it works.

If my mind told me I was unlovable, I’d counter it with, “I am lovable, I am enough.” The key here was not to question whether I believed it or not but to say it anyway. Over time, I stopped needing to convince myself and it became automatic. My brain started to rewire itself, shifting from negativity to positivity.

I had no idea back then that this was essentially neuroplasticity. The ability of our brains to form new connections based on the input we give it. By replacing negativity with positivity, I was training my brain to rewire its automatic responses. This small change in mindset brought about big changes in my life.

3. Allow Yourself to Do What You Love without Guilt

One thing I learned early on was that it’s okay to embrace what you love, even if it’s different from what others around you enjoy. When I was a teenager, I spent hours at the national library, diving into books. My classmates were more interested in makeup, boys, and gossip, but I found joy in solitude and reading. I was called “weird,”. Well, that was hurtful but I didn’t let that stop me from doing what made me happy.

Here’s the takeaway: Don’t apologise for what makes you happy. Whether it’s reading, painting, or sports, embrace your passions without guilt. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to do what brings you joy. The more you let yourself do what you love, the better you’ll feel about yourself. Don't be a people pleaser.

4. Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions

Crying, isn’t a weakness, it’s a healthy way to process pain and move on. I don’t force myself to cry, but I allow it when I need to. And if I’m in public or feel uncomfortable showing my emotions, I permit myself to cry privately. The act of allowing yourself to feel releases built-up stress and clears the mind. Never hide from your emotions, let them take their course, and then reflect on what triggered them. I understand that certain situations are harder than others to process. Grief is one such process, but hiding from grief would only prolong how long it takes you to feel normal again. Allow yourself to feel.

5. Treat Yourself to Things You Love, Without Regret

In my younger years, I spent money on things I didn’t need, simply to make myself feel better. While I don’t regret treating myself, I wish I had been more thoughtful about it.

I discuss this issue in the below blog post.

Treat yourself, but try to do it mindfully. Whether it’s a new book, a chic outfit, or a little indulgence, it’s important to show yourself love. But remember, don’t go overboard. Set a budget for those “just because” purchases so you don’t feel guilty afterwards. Self-care is important, and sometimes buying something you love is an act of self-love.

6. Celebrate the Little Wins

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become my own biggest cheerleader. In my 20s, I stopped engaging in negative self-talk altogether. Whenever doubt creeps in, I replace it with something positive.

It doesn’t matter whether anyone else notices my accomplishments. What matters is that I acknowledge and celebrate them. Be your own biggest fan. Take time to appreciate the small victories, whether it’s finishing a project, learning something new, or simply getting through the day. Your journey is worth celebrating, no matter how big or small the achievement.

7. Talk to Yourself Like You Would Talk to Your Child

Now, as a new parent, I’ve realized something powerful: the way I talk to myself is the same way I talk to my child, with patience, love, and understanding. When I make mistakes or face challenges, I don’t criticize myself harshly. Instead, I offer myself the same compassion I’d give to my little one.

Treat yourself with kindness and respect. If I can teach my child to do the same, I must lead by example. The way you talk to yourself shapes your reality, and it’s one of the most important gifts you can give yourself. and if you are anything like me, the inner voice is what you hear 90% of your time. I would go insane if all I heard was negativity.

The Next Step: Self-Respect

While self-esteem is about how we feel about ourselves, self-respect is how we honour our bodies and minds. In a future post, I’ll dive deeper into the connection between self-esteem and self-respect and why they both matter for building a loving, empowering relationship with yourself.

Remember: building positive self-esteem is a journey, not a destination. But you can start today. Become aware of your negative self-talk, Use positive affirmations, Allow yourself to do what you love, let yourself feel, Treat yourself, celebrate your wins and talk to yourself with respect.

The world can be tough, so be your biggest cheerleader.