The Art of Unconventional Resilience

We live in a culture that glorifies the "bounce back" mentality. Push through the pain. Keep grinding. Show up no matter what. But what if true resilience looks completely different from what we've been taught?

Redefining What It Means to Be Strong

I am the type of person who needs to retreat into solitude during life's difficult moments. Over the years, I've realised this happens because I prefer to feel all my emotions completely and let them flow through me. I refuse to extend my suffering or carry trauma like baggage that spills into my work life and relationships.

This process typically takes two weeks, although it may occasionally extend to a month. During these periods, I lose interest in daily tasks and special projects. These past two weeks, I haven't posted a blog entry. I didn't touch my laptop except to watch YouTube. I skipped my daily workouts and abandoned cooking projects. I simply did the bare minimum and gave myself permission to rest, and I believe this approach is healthy.

Resilience means reverting to normalcy quickly after difficult situations. But how many of us just put a lid on our problems and return to work in the name of being resilient and strong? We abandon our human side only to extend our suffering. Sometimes, the most loving act toward yourself is letting go and going with the flow without pushing. However, it becomes self-sabotage if you can't pull yourself out of that rut.

Creating Flexible Expectations for Yourself

I don't judge myself harshly when I need a break or feel lazier than usual. My schedule contains three levels: minimum expectations, normal expectations, and plans for peak performance days.

For example, if I plan to write on a given day, my minimum plan involves simply writing down my ideas: no editing, no grammar checks, just capturing thoughts in a document. On normal days, I edit my writing and post if it meets my standards. On exceptional days, I record multiple ideas, edit several drafts, and schedule future posts.

I only abandon these plans when I genuinely don't feel well or face a real crisis. Since I maintain discipline and follow my normal plan most of the time, I grant myself grace when circumstances prevent me from meeting my usual standards.

Seven Pillars of True Resilience

1. Build Unshakeable Trust in Yourself

Physical activity provides the easiest path to self-trust. Sports and exercise build confidence in your body and abilities, creating an inherent sense of control and self-assurance. You might not consciously recognise this transformation, but physical activities make you feel empowered and confident that you'll be okay. It is the same for anything you can do with your hands: Beading, painting, writing, etc..

You can also build self-trust by never lying to yourself. Stop promising yourself you'll do something and then procrastinate. Every time you avoid completing a task you've committed to, you erode your self-trust. Instead, break difficult tasks into smaller, manageable pieces. Track your daily progress and establish your minimum and medium action plans.

When motivation disappears, simply start the activity. Momentum builds once you take that challenging first step. This approach carried me through three years of college without procrastinating on assignments. I finished every essay at least two days before the deadline. The secret? I never lie to myself.

2. Prioritise Mental Health Over Results

Your well-being matters more than your productivity metrics. Sometimes healing requires stepping back from achievement-focused thinking and investing in your emotional recovery.

3. Guard Your Privacy with Intention

Resist the urge to share bad news and gossip about yourself with everyone around you. Respect your own privacy and choose carefully who deserves access to your struggles.

4. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Build a toolkit of positive responses to stress and difficulty. Whether it's journaling, exercise, reciting the quran, or creative expression, having reliable ways to process emotions prevents destructive patterns.

5. Navigate Change with Grace

Accept that transitions feel uncomfortable and require time to adjust. Don't rush the process of adapting to new circumstances.

6. Return to Normal Life Gradually

After a difficult period, reintroduce yourself slowly to regular routines. Gentle re-entry prevents overwhelm and supports sustainable recovery.

7. Practice Compassionate Self-Talk

Eliminate negative self-talk from your internal dialogue. Never ask "Why me?" when facing challenges. This question only breeds a victim mentality and prevents you from moving forward constructively.

The Courage to Feel Fully

When you give yourself permission to feel deeply, rest fully, and recover authentically, you develop the genuine strength to face whatever comes next. Trust yourself enough to take the time you need, and watch as this self-compassion transforms into unshakeable inner strength. Resilience to face anything.